Back to where I used to be

The road to home has beckoned me

Courthouse square, days gone by

Funny, that's the place I fly

Family joy, memoirs sweet

Invisible whisperings fill the street

I suppose it's where I'll stay

Back to work, back to play

This old town has holds on me

It hugged my heart then set me free

Now I walk these streets again

Hugging back this dear old friend

A native be

In this town

Where roots are deep

I giggled down

The path of youth

Grew up fast

And old too soon

Life has surely

Danced for me

Joy and pain

And mystery

Where did all 

The prized years go?

Memories 

I cherish so

They will ever 

Live inside

Beloved halls

Of heart and mind

 Lord I will sing, open my wings

Help me to fly with You

My heart's desire, passion and fire

Glorious hope brand new

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

I will offer my all and answer the call

Spirit strengthen me

Father, my prayer is that I might care

As You have so loved me

Help me to fight, I will take flight

Above the enemy  

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

Lord, I offer my all and answer the call

Spirit strengthen me.

I want to be free!

I want to be free!

Fill me anew, reflections of You

It's my heart's one plea!

Glassy wonder, prisms bright

Frosty crystals, glazed delight

Water droplets melt and fall

Giving in, giving all

To the warmth of sunshine's glow

Winter's exit, chilled and slow

Seasons change in front of me

Diamonds melting into Spring

Dripping gently, without sound

Falling softly to the ground

Where new life will rise again

Like a long awaited friend

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Let your heart be light

Next year all our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas

Make the Yuletide gay

Next year all our troubles will be miles away

Here we are as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together

If the fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough

So have yourself a merry little Christmas now

Tis the season and I stare

At the twinkling lights up there

On the tinsel in the mall

Where few notice them at all

Bustling shoppers carting style

Yet there seems to be few smiles

If I could, I'd rather be

A thousand places far from these

Staring at a velvet sky

With its decorations bright

Through the pines that whisper sweet

Age-old stories they repeat

I would trade this garland gold

For a walk in fresh, new snow

Silver bells are pretty here

But to a fire I'd draw near

Oh the crackle as it warms

All of me, but first my heart

I enjoyed the bright display

In the stores and halls today

But I long for Christmas cheer

Where sweet memories linger dear

A Cedar tree is awing me on this crispy day

Plump, blue berries dazzling, near the gold display

What a colorful surprise, rich and bold delight

How I love this time of year, brilliant, bursting bright

Fall is fleeting by the hour, taunting winter's stare

I stand gazing at the scene, making it my care

As the world just passes by, I can only pause

And look at such magnificence; thank You, thank You, God 

For making moments such as this, full of splendor free

As the yellow, orange and green, frame this cedar tree

Sometimes when the road is long

You grip the wheel and choose a song

One with words and melody

That melts your heart and sets you free

You sing about the days gone by

Or make up words that help you fly

Beyond the dance of day to day

Into tomorrow where you play

Beneath the pines and falling leaves

Where it's quiet and the breeze

Whispers yet another tune

So familiar, yet so true

Suddenly your heart is clear

There's no worry, stress or fear

For a moment care is gone

All because you chose a song

Noticing the subtle hues

Black and white are pretty too

Shadows speak a soft refrain

Decrescendos, sweetly play

Melodies of quiet thoughts

Things remembered, ventures sought

How they dance inside my chest

As the sun upon them rests

Waiting for the colored hues

As they come back into view

Though the dark is a delight

I rest in hope, a brand new sight

Fields of gold embrace the past

Treasured stories that will last

In the hearts of those whose hands

Plowed the earth and worked the land

Spring and summer turned to fall

Farmers always heard the call

Prepare for winter, plow the fields

All from summer's glorious yields

Yellow corn, pumpkins bright

Squash, potatoes, hay bales tight

Tractors rest and cellars full

Just in time for winter's cool

Fiddle's rev and fire's roar

Songs are sung and stories told

Those who lived in days gone by

Carry secrets laced with smiles

Harder times, yet so dear

Filled with challenge, joy and tears

Ode to those who did their best

To sculpt for us life's treasure chests 

Red and yellow coming soon

Pay attention, there are clues

In your sorrow, in your night

Look for penetrating light

He will triumph if you cast

All your burdens and hold fast

He'll deliver, He will save

Just as He broke through the grave

He keeps proving, making clear

Another season, God is near

The trees above the valley low

Where the waters wildly flow

Seem to watch it all go by

Never worry, never cry

Always standing tall and brave

In the sun and in the rain

Steady, sturdy, holding fast

Roots gone deep, a trunk that lasts

When the winter hurls its cold

The boughs retain their constant hold

And when the springtime warms again

Tiny leaflets start to grin

The sun will nourish and they burst

Into the glorious leaves - the first

Of all the season's new delight

They will shelter from the bright

And fearless sun that can be harsh

Always shading every heart

From summertime and endless heat

Once again, obliged to greet

The fall in all its artistry

Orange and red, the canopy

Smiling still and standing tall

Never questioning its call

Oh that I might sink my roots

Deeper still, and firmly too

Into the rock that oversees

All that flows beneath the trees

I want to cast my worries far

Throw a pillow in my car

Take a drive that points me home

Walk the woods I used to roam

Hear the laughter of the creek

Roll my pants and dip my feet

Watch the foliage start to fall

Quietly, no sound at all

Hear the rustle of the breeze

Stirring dried and golden leaves

Wander down a gravel road

Sun rays warming, hints of cold

Squirrels scurry, storing food

Knowing that the cold comes soon

I could joy in standing there

Where my roots also prepared

One like me to walk the path

Of life's unseen, the good, the bad

Taken a few years ago at my cousin's place outside of Farmington Missouri.  It is truly a Kincaid kind of setting!

Well, summer is rearing it's head once more this week, bringing hot and very humid weather.  I'm not a fan.  However, I have heard said that a big part of the joy we experience in life is the anticipation of those coming experiences.  I simply JOY in the very THOUGHT of fall!  I look at photos such as this one and take vicarious pleasure in the knowledge of what is to come!  This year I hope for an especially colorful season, as I do every year!  With the first day of autumn approaching, I know I can endure this doggie summer finale.  Oh to have the freedom to see the flaming woodlands of Vermont, the quaint painted towns of Indiana or the golden Blue Ridge Mountains on a bluebird, cool, October day.  Oh to button up a wool sweater and find myself on a back road path, complete with warm sunshine shooting through orange and red Sassafras canopies!  Oh to taste freshly tapped Maple syrup and smell the wood burning underneath the black iron kettle while it cooks to a thick bubbly delight!  Oh to sit on a home-made quilt beneath floating yellow leaves, holding a hot mug of apple cider.  Hot chili, cornbread, pumpkin bread and apple pie - all tease my tastebuds and memories!  Every year I wait and then truly savor each delicious moment of the season.  Each year, I would love to lengthen its stay.   Here is my "ode" to the coming of fall's fascinating delicacies!

Blue and green

Mirrored prisms

Sparkling clean

Lighted memories

Shining bright

Casting rainbows

In the night

Beauty grips

My thoughts again

Radiant glory

Is my friend

Twirling, dazzling

Dancing there

Imagination

Without care

Freedom whispers

Come along

Colored future

Join the song

I sit alone and contemplate the beauty of the night

Quiet darkness blankets me, twinkling stars so bright

My troubled soul, it craves a stroke to ease the pain of life

A fervent heart that reaches out and longs to take new flight

Father, how I need You now, take my hurt and fear

Here I stand, an open book, meet me in my tears

The softest sounds I hear tonight, they comfort and bring peace

Sweetly vast and beautiful, heavenly, complete

I look into the deepest dark and find You in the night

Lord, Your love is seeping through the loneliness inside

Father, how I need You now, take my hurt and fear

Here I stand, an open book, meet me in my tears

The stars are brilliant up above, like diamonds in the sky

But Your love bursts through brighter still and brings me true delight

Oh the night can be so long, heartache comes like waves

Help me Lord to feel Your warmth and stay in Your embrace

Bought me some flowers today, just because

Their colors reached out and motioned to pause

Yellows and lavender, white lacy touch

I simply enjoyed the moment so much

A smile spread across my face with delight

I couldn't resist the artistry bright

My arms had to hold them and take them away

I'll gaze on their brilliance for quite a few days

Sometimes the little things make us aware

That there is a "someone" who loves us out there

God's gentle touches, I can't help but see

His tender reminders of love's majesty

I've seen a lot of lovely sights

Wished to hold a few

Felt emotion in some spots

Lost a tear or two

Memory books could not contain

The essence of a place

Etched inside a heart who gasps

At God's amazing grace

Now and then it comes to pass

A swelling of the heart

Upon a glance of majesty

Overwhelming art

I see it when my eyes are clear

That sudden focused sight 

Right before me, radiant

Secrets become bright 

I'll walk down many country roads

To find the treasures there

Peek in places some won't go

I cannot help but stare

At the wonder hidden far

Beneath the tender breeze

Shaded by tall branches full

Yet waiting still to please

The souls like me who live to find

The Master's subtleties

Colored glory all around

For those with eyes to see

A slight distraction from the "web" - Alas, perhaps the inter-web does not hold my complete attention.

Today.  I became a T-Rex, kissed Mickey Mouse and Lamb Chop, swept up a (whole) box of rice, built a toy car garage, re-learned the states by working a puzzle of them several times, cleaned peanut butter off a lambskin rug, sat crossed legged in a tent to "hide" from monsters, sang, no shouted "The People on the Bus" song until my head was going "round and round", wiped jelly faces and poopie butts, ran across gravel chasing a 1 year old and over baby gates chasing a 3 year old, watched as various un-meant-to-be-tossed items were hurled over the banister onto the first level floor, found surprising objects in surprising places, smiled, melted, panicked, laughed and loved 2 amazing grand children.  I realize it is rough out there in the world of life, but I am finding out that the joy of grandkids can trump a multitude of sorrows!  Am I tired?  Oh yes.  Do I ache from the work-out?  Most definitely.  Will I do it again?  Absolutely!

Raindrops slide down foliage green

Making puddles, washing clean

Summer's dust and making bright

Colors rich, fresh delight

Earthy scents and cooler air

Hints of Autumn, breezes fair

Gathered clouds shield us from

August heat and pressing sun

On the porch I sit and see

Bustling birds, bright and free

My heart dances inside too

At the thought of hope anew

Cleansing rain, bring relief

Restore again, this tender leaf

Tomorrow a total eclipse is predicted across our land, and the area where I live will be directly in the path of the darkened sun.  What an interesting time of history - and my life that this will occur; an unexpected shadow that rarely happens in a lifetime.  So rare in fact, that thousands will be in awe.  But God is not surprised.  He holds the sun, moon and planets in His mighty, but wise hands.  

Though the darkness cover me, I will wait for the sun...  "For You, O Lord, are my lamp; the Lord illumines and despoils my darkness."  2 Sam. 22:29

A Tribute to Educators

I believe it is true that a picture paints a thousand words.  And though I am a great advocate for capturing the kind of photographs that encourage imagination and curiosity, I am also a cheerleader for those who take the time to paint a picture with words, stories and actions.  I had a father who loved to tell stories!  Sometimes they were exaggerated or colored with elaborate fabrication.  But even the overstated tales captured my interest and challenged my future!  I have had a number of extraordinary teachers in my life.  What made them so special was that they took the time to tell the stories that drew me into the world they were painting.  Their activities and actions showed sincere interest in me.  Their smiles and sense of humor made the lessons attractive, and the respect they showed me as an individual allowed me to in turn, apply all they had taught to my real world.  Some of those significant individuals were school teachers and some were friends or family members who genuinely wanted to see me succeed in all I pursued.  Every one of them spent something of value on me - love and time.  

Here's to all those who desire to pass along understanding, heritage, information, encouragement, hours and love.  It is a life-time endeavor, but one that will indeed come back to bless you.  It will rarely pay the big bucks, but will reap big rewards.  It will cost honesty, loyalty, consistency and patience, but will offer to others some of the greatest treasures of earth - and heaven.  Perhaps within I Corinthians 13 lies the heart of a God-fearing teacher, who is willing to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things and endure all things for the sake of loving others as Christ loved the church.  Perhaps this is a command for each of us to consider and obey.  Perhaps that is why our Lord Himself was called "Teacher"...and perhaps that is why He has called us to be a living reflection of His example.   

Through the eyes of a prism

I see a new view

Light dazzles and dances

And glistens like dew

On petals at daybreak

When morning bids come

New day is dawning

Walk away from

Darkness and heaviness

Burdens that pull

Look at new colors

Gaze and be full

Of promise and presence

Remember through whom

We find our perspective

And never assume

That He isn't watching 

And bearing our pain

His view is quite different

His arms still sustain

Oh that our vision

Could filter as He

Through heartache and darkness

Like prisms set free

Our worries and fear

So the light could come through

Lord, help us focus

Our eyes upon You 

The lights went out here at my home

I feel the heat, but there's no storm

Shadows fall and turn to night

Summer's warmth begins to rise

By a lantern's radiant glow

My pen dances with a flow

Of loaded spirit sailing free

Lines and rhymes, teasing me

Out the window my heart flies

Watching water colored skies

In the stillness I believe

Dreams can happen on this eve

Even in the sultry air

There is hope when God is there

Difficulty seems to know my name

But my Father knows the same

In greater measure with a hand

That catches me and helps me stand

Darkness, He will conquer you

Heat may come, yet not consume

Fresh wind blow and set me free

This warm night, deliver me

That brings me to my story.  We own two of those kind of cars - used, but WERE Functional.  The AC'S, heat, radio and interiors and exteriors have been in reasonably good shape.  These cars have been a blessing in many ways, and I have been thankful - maybe because it wasn't so long ago that we acquired them after having two previous used cars that wore completely out and became their own nightmares.  It seems we have had a taste of that once-had bad dream again as of late.

One car, that my husband drives to work has been having a little dying problem for months.  Now, I'm not sure why we didn't get it in when that began....oh wait....we DID.  They couldn't find the problem, so we just kept driving it.

The 2nd car that we call "my" car began having an AC problem.  Now that is stepping on a nerve for me, so I began ranting a bit about it until my hubs gave in.  We had it charged.  It worked...for a short while.  We had it looked at again.  It worked...for a short while.  We had it looked at again.  It had a mouse nest in what they call the cabin filter.  Apparently our garage breeds mice to the point they need nesting places beyond the bottom of boxes and drawers there.  The nest was removed.  It worked...for a short while.  As this is going on, the car started to develop other issues with the wiper blades and a need for a fuel pump.  Only money.  Right? 

In the meantime the OTHER car starts making back-up noises and has a cracked windshield.  Never mind that between mechanics everyone is trying to get to work, schedule and make doctor appointments and do the taxi service for my daughter (a full time job itself)!  (I don't even add trips to the grocery store, Walgreens, events etc to the list here.  We are a rather "driven" family.

Soooo.....my hubs is driving my car to work because it has NO AC and I demand AC.  (See picture)  And I am driving his car to work with AC that needs a charge and dies intermittently while I take clients to and from where they need to be each day, as that is what I do.  All the while I wish I lived in Montana or Alaska since the last week or two have been the HOTTEST since hell was created!  (for effect - see pic again).  

(Rest of story in present tense for more effect:)

So yesterday the hubs comes in and I go out to meet him as we are going together to pick up "his" car from the mechanic - even though they told us they couldn't figure out the problem and suggested we take it to a transmission place.  Grrrrrrrr.  I start to get in the passenger side and the door has a big DING in the side.  My jaw drops open and I look at it  - kind of like the monkey here - and more or less pound my chest with both fists clinched!  (Well, not really....but I did screech like a chimpanzee!)  It is a mystery ding.  Neither of us had noticed it until now.  As if there weren't enough injury, now I have been insulted!  We go on toward the repair shop, me close to tears or rather rumbling inside like an fast-expanding volcano.  

I drive his car out of the mechanic's lot (because IT has AC - yep, that attitude of mine) - and it dies.  SO....we go back, get the guy and so he can see what is happening.  He suggests he keep it overnight - again.  SO, we leave it and go eat.  Always a good thing to do when life punches you in the gut - eat.  Eat a LOT.  I mean, isn't that what the ape did?  Told you it was me.

Ending that I pray is not another beginning:

We picked up the car - again - tonight.  They still couldn't figure it out.  Gotta get it in on Friday - you guessed it - to the transmission guy.  And we can only hope that they will fix the clunking noise when it backs up.  No one is quite sure if that will fix the dying problem - could be an ignition recall that the dealer will fix - free - so they say.  Meanwhile, it DOES now have cool air.  However, the OTHER car is going in next week to get IT'S AC fixed.  (We HAVE managed to get the wiper transmission and fuel pump fixed in the meantime - how, you say?  I dunno.  Persistence, pacing and primate ATTITUDE paid off, I suppose!

I have to wonder if swinging from a few trees might make me feel better?  In the meantime, scowling and dagger-eyed looks haven't made these cars functional!  If it did, I guess I'd be driving a Jaguar!  :)

Never stop seeking the beautiful unbelievable

Susie's eyes in petals gold

Queen Anne's lacy quilt unfolds

Fields of emerald rolling free

Under floating clouds that dream

In water color puffs of white

Sliding slowly 'cross the sky

Roofs where farmers work and play

And it smells of sweet, fresh hay

Summer's gifts, complete delight

Once again enchant my sight

Looking through the fence I see 

Rolling hills and fields of green

Oh so close, the other side

A place to run under blue skies

And yet I do not seem to know

How to move from this shadow

Should I slowly start to climb

Or with one leap just try to fly

I am sure there is a way

Lord, please hold my hand today

Alley Springs, near Eminence MO

Hodgson Mill, near Eminence MO

Barn near Dillard MO

Bollinger/Dolle Mill, Bollinger County MO

Barn near Cedar Hill

Barn at Grant's Farm

Barn in House Springs MO

Barn near House Springs MO

Barn in Bollinger County, MO

Dillard Mill, Dillard MO

Sandy Creek Covered Bridge, Hillsboro MO

Bee Tree Park near Oakville MO

Life.  Beautiful.  Colorful.  Vulnerable.  Fragile.  Fleeting.  Tender.  

Laced with treasured moments 

Horrible tragedies

Excessive joys

Overwhelming sadness 

Mundane and extreme

Earthly and heavenly

    Ordinary and amazing  

And to think that God would love enough

to allow us emotions and creative outlets  

Thanx God.....

Today we celebrated this little princess who turns ONE tomorrow.  It is hard to believe a year has gone by!  She is walking everywhere and quite the spicy little sweetheart!  Me....I can't get enough cheeky hugs and kisses!  She was born on Father's Day - such a precious gift to her daddy - and momma!  Of course, my heart is conquered for the second time since she is grand child number two!  Our whole family is pretty crazy about she and her big brother....just ask us! 

So...it was a "double your money party" here today: Dad's day and birthday - complete with potato soup, BLT sandwiches and some specialty cupcakes - for the little cupcake - and dads.   

Dad grew up the big brother of 3 siblings, Loyd, Rosie & Lillie.  The girls were twins.  With teachers for parents and a dad who would be involved with a number of continued other jobs through the years, dad had quite a lot of responsibility.  He tells the predictable tales of walking miles to school, but always enhances with details of having to start the wood stove and get the building warmed and ready early in the morning before other kids arrived.  I remember him talking about a house he lived in that didn't have heat in his upstairs bedroom, but the flu from the wood stove went through his room and so he would scoot his bed close enough to warm his feet on the chimney.  His horse riding stories with his cousin/friend John Visiono and cross country trip with Buddy Cooper to California remind me of an era that I can only imagine!  One of the "wild west" adventures he has shared is about a roller coaster over the ocean where dad had to pry Buddy's hands loose after the ride as it was a harrowing first for them both!  

Dad grew up working in the fields, baling hay, feeding livestock, milking cows and keeping watermelons cold in the spring. He was familiar with root cellars, corn fields and "fresh" fried chicken that he most likely boiled and plucked himself on numerous occasions!  He hunted rabbits, cleaned squirrels and fished with a pole or a gig, whatever was most handy and would bring home dinner.  He drove a tractor, played and worked in a barn and knew the woods.  He knew how to shake sweet rich cream and make butter, how to plant, weed and harvest garden goods to can, store and eat through the winter.  

Dad went to work in the mines in Fredericktown as a young adult and carried a metal lunch pail every day.  I believe he has pumped gas, worked on cars, worked for numerous others and learned the business of insurance that eventually became his career until retirement.  Dad worked faithfully and quite successfully at his little business and established our home in a way that included security and provision all the years of our growing up.  It was dad who my sister and brother and I loved to talk into taking us to the store.  We could almost convince him to purchase anything from exotic fruit to pop sickles....that is, if mom wasn't looking!  The favorite?  A&W Root Beer nights with the family and Saturday evenings at the stock car races where inevitably I would get dad to buy me a fish sandwich and a coke! 

I love the heritage he lived and has so graciously shared.  He is a true, honest red-blooded, lovable American, but most of all, he is my dad!  What a blessing to have parents who cared enough to nurture and jump start our lives with love, respect and fun!  I realize that few in this era have such rich treasures.  Happy Father's day, Pappa!!! My dad & his brother, Lloyd and twin sisters, Rosie & Lillie

Loyd, Rosie, Harold, Lillie

Mom & Dad

"Make the world go away, get it off of my shoulders"...a favorite song from classic "crooner" days.  I suppose the lyrics have resonated with many since through the years.  Most of us can relate to life's challenges.  No matter how rich or poor, easy going or OCD, busy or bored we are, there are difficult days and seasons. I have yet to come up with a way to make the trials and pain of this world disappear.  However, I have found something that comforts my heart in a very broken world.  There is a place of rest and warmth in the friendship of our incredible and loving God.  Physically I can't say that I am "transported" or hear an audible voice when I pray and commune with Him, but when I contemplate the hope He has provided and promised and accept the love poured out through His one Son in order to reconcile our lives and sin before Him, I find rest.  

The older I get, the more aware I become of death.  I don't look forward to the process of death, but I do have an expectation of life forever - without pain or heartache.  What I look forward to was bought for each of us who accept the incredible gift.  It is the hope that is set before me.  And in that hope is comfort. 

Jesus once said that it was the hope set before Him that allowed Him to endure the cross.  It was a horrible death, yet a complete and perfect sacrifice - for you and for me.  Complete in that the finality of death was eliminated.  We will live again.  Oh, we have a choice as to whether it will be a heavenly ever after or a dark,  destructive one.  A critical and crucial choice.  Jesus is the truth, the life and the way.  It is through embracing Him that heaven is offered.  Our hope.  Our joy.  

When I think on those things; when I take hold of that hope; when I snuggle up to the One who offered me life beyond death...I find comfort...peace.  The weight of this world suddenly dims in the light of HIM!  There are two songs I'd like to quote a few words from here:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.  Look full in His wonderful face.  And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." (by Helen H. Lemmel in 1922)

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.  When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions, eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me."  (by John Mark McMillan)

Some of my favorite photo shots have been of children.  There is a freshness - an awe - a wonder in their faces, an eagerness about learning - a sincere joy and fascination about life.  So much happens in a lifetime and often experiences, heartaches, or circumstances seek to rob enjoyment and steal our appreciation of all things bright and beautiful.  These images and faces bring out the child in me...

sometimes a thought or a memory

is like a flower  

beautiful, fragrant, enchanting,

mystifying, wonderful, sweet.....

it stays in your heart

and each time it is revisited

a little bit of the fragrance returns

as if moving past a honey suckle

and not seeing where it is in the thicket.

I walked across a bridge one day

When it was still around

I wondered what it's steel might say

If its voice could sound

The many wheels and hooves and feet

That trod upon its floor

How I'd love to see the faces

Who have gone before

It used to whisper in the wind

Though it was hard to know

If the creaks were signs of age

Or stories needed told

Now the bridge has been replaced

By something that is new

I bet its years will not outlast

Those trusses that were true

How I hate to see them go

The treasures of our past

Though structures may not endure time

Their memories will last

Recently I took a client to a park for some sunshine and exercise.  This particular individual is older than most kids on the playground, but for some reason, it is one of his joys to swing, slide and run around with young kids.  Because I am not at liberty to reveal names of the folks I serve, I will call him "Sammy".  As we pulled up to the playground area and got out of the car, Sammy hit the ground at a dead run, yelling at the top of his voice all the way to the swings.  Many of the kids were a little startled and stopped to stare a bit at this bigger "kid" who was very boisterous and loud.  Some hid behind their parent or playground equipment!  But Sammy laughed and went as high on the swing as his legs would pump, inviting me to join him in the swing beside him.  So there we were, swinging and laughing, loudly and freely, much to the amazement of many who were just standing with a look of unbelief!  

Finally, some of the kids began to warm up to the idea.  Sammy's joy seemed to be a bit contagious as one or two moved a little closer.  Sammy was not a bit shy about saying hello and ran to climb the ladder to the third level slide where there was a large platform and 3 different slides to choose from.  It was hard for Sammy to decide, so he stood at the top motioning for other kids who would eventually come up the ladder, hop onto their slide choice and disappear.  After enjoying the others shoot off down the tubes, Sammy picked one and went down with a dramatic yell and laugh, causing more stares from the other kids and parents alike!  

As I watched Sammy, a part of me chuckled at his pure and naive joy.  The other part of me wondered about Sammy's future and my heart began to swell with compassion and questions as to why God allows such vast differences in individuals.  I also couldn't help but wonder what Sammy's life would be like if he didn't have the challenges he had.

Then Sammy scooted up to another little boy and with a big grin, tagged him on the shoulder shouting, "You're it!"  The little boy started chasing Sammy and around and around they went gathering several other kids along the way who also ran as fast as they could to catch the big fun guy!  After quite awhile of tag mayhem, I asked Sammy if he was ready for something to drink and maybe some lunch.  Sammy began telling each youngster goodbye and offered high-5's to the little boy who had been brave enough to begin playing with him.  The little boy's mom walked over and gave Sammy a hug and several other kids continued to run up to do the same.  Once again my heart grew inside my chest and I suddenly was satisfied that Sammy was exactly who God wanted him to be.  As we walked to the car, Sammy was asking to stop at the gas station for a carton of milk and wanted to go home to make oatmeal for lunch.  This ole' girl laughed (out loud), shook her head, and admired that Sammy was much more adjusted with his life than I may ever be.  How refreshing!  What a lesson.

So many things have been said in honor of our beloved men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice defending our country.  Memorial Day is set aside as a tribute to those whose lives were lost.  Though we celebrate our freedom and are indeed thankful for it, the price has been great, and Memorial Day, or Decoration Day as it originated, is a time to observe and recognize those who died while serving our country.  In 1868, after the American Civil War, the organization of Union veterans founded Decoration Day and declared it a day for the nation to decorate the graves of the Union war dead with flowers.  By the 20th century the Union and Confederates who had celebrated on different days had merged, and Memorial Day became the day to honor all Americans who died while in the military service.  

Though I know few well who have served, and even fewer who have died, I cannot possibly know the pain of saying goodbye to a loved one going off to war.  The heartache of them never returning?  Unimaginable.  The funny thing about me is that my heart is simply captured with honoring these brave heroes of our freedom.  The commemoration of their lives unto death grips me in a way that even I do not understand, and so I will always express highest respect and gratitude on their behalf...especially on this particular holiday.  

I know there are thousands of lives that have been changed forever as the result these courageous men and women who were lost.  Fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers....few have been immune to the grief of losing a loved one as our nation has and continues to defend its own.  Lord, surround these families with a cloak of your comfort.  Thank you for those brave champions we will ever honor as the heroes who have bravely paved our road to freedom. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Sitting where the bumblebee

Buzzes, flits and makes for me

A little show of nature bright

Such a lively splash of light

He's drawn to color just like me

What a joy to sit and see

The working busy sound of wings

Brings me pleasure, helps me sing

Thank you, Bumbler, as you play

A lighter song to start my day

She had stood among shimmering camera flashes that were almost as brilliant as her smile.  The crowd applauded as she took yet another bow, blowing kisses of appreciation to those who had exploded in cheers below.  Her frame was stunning, but all the more radiant as light had sent luminous reflections from her sequenced dress into the dark, but lively audience.  It was a night she would never forget...one that may never be repeated in her life time.  Everyone would remember the impactful moments for years, perhaps decades to come.  She reflected on the exhilarating joy and overwhelming sense of acceptance as she contemplated what had occurred only a few hours before.  It had been difficult to take in...more like a fantasy or fairy tale, and certainly her own Cinderella story.

Now the curtain had closed.  Autographs had been signed.  Escorts had taken her to and from the celebration parties and the limousine had driven away.  She had been walked safely to her very glamorous room, where all the comforts one could afford would be at her service.  She slid open the door to a soft-lit balcony and gazed across the twinkling city.  The activity below was quieted from where she stood.  The sounds of people disappeared.  The lights had moved to other places and she found herself confronted with a mirror of reality.  What was looking back frightened her.  Though she had found companionship in the faces of multitudes, she had not one to confide in.  There were many who had heard her voice, but the one who would listen to her heart seemed no where near.  It was as if the dark, endless sky only mocked the void that accompanied her.  Lights and faces had been her friend.  Fame and challenge her partner.  There in the dark, she felt their absence and became painfully aware of emptiness.  

This story is just - a story.  No particular person....unless it is you in some way.  There are many who have tasted what it is like to be recognized as a "followed" person.  Many who have natural leadership abilities or who are gifted with social skills or talents that others admire.  Those are greatly loved - and greatly scorned by self-seeking souls who might jealously wish those qualities could be confiscated for themselves.

Maybe you have not had fame or beauty.  Maybe you have felt a desire, but lack of talent or gift that you could offer to others around you.  Maybe you have never had a moment of recognition or appreciation.  Maybe, in fact, your life has been hard, troubled, or even filled with tragedy or sadness.

Whatever your allotment, you can be assured of one thing:  There will be moments where the blur of life comes into focus and you find yourself standing in front of the same mirror that the person in the story faced.  It will not matter at that point who you are or where you have been.  Fame, fortune and poverty alike will dim there.  You will suddenly stare at what is and what is not most important.  Many will conclude that earthly possessions are the answer.  Some will retreat back into confusion, depression or even addiction.  Wise seekers will discover something higher.  They will look beyond this tossing world and get glimpses of a hope that is eternal.  Something of an anchor will become slightly visible.  They will then run to find the answers in the only One who truly provides them.  

This life is fleeting.  Trials are many, whether you have stable or stress-filled circumstances; riches or extreme need. Though poverty is achingly a reality, wealth often becomes a mask covering far deeper torments.  Life will always bring challenges. It is short.  Temporary.  There is a reason we are brought to ponder the possibility of an eternal God.  There is a design that draws us to His presence, where He might love and nourish us with heavenly food and endless fountains.  There is a Savior who paid a real price for our searching souls...who did so to point us beyond the darkness and into a new light that does not disappoint.  One whose curtain never closes and through whom hunger is always soothed.

Lord, take hurting hearts who seek You today and show them promise.  May there be hope for the searchers and rest for the struggling.  Help us to lean in to Your warm embrace and know the joy of Your presence.

O for a thousand tongues to sing My great Redeemer's praise,

The glories of my God and King, the triumphs of His grace.

"I tell you, He answered, "if they remain silent, the very stones will cry out."  Luke 19:40

Interesting verse on perspective.  We cannot pretend that we see as God sees.  We can only aspire to get glimpses of God's insights and plans.  It is so easy to see what is visible.  God is invisible and His possibilities for us are as big as....well....God!  I am so thankful that out there, watching the universe - and me - is a God - bigger than any of us could possibly imagine or fathom.  His ways are infinite.  Our small minds can dream from a root cellar view only.  Outside the window is a far bigger world and eternal plan than is possible for us to know.  Fortunately, God, who does in fact see, is for us.  As we accept Him as Lord, submit to His love and favor, He guides, directs and clears our path - blind as we might be.  I have such trouble allowing Him to do that...though as I look at this picture it makes me realize how my humanity is my prison.  The key?  Trusting in the infallible God who sees outside the tiny window of my very small and fallible eyes.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5,6

Happy Mother's Day to my momma and to all those hard-working, offspring-loving, nose-wiping, tear-swiping, hug-sharing, heart-giving women who love their children eternally.  It's not an easy job.  For every mom, there are unique circumstances and challenges.  Today we celebrate the love and lives of the hands and hearts of mommas.  Blessings and sweet bouquets to you.

Gonna get fancy tonight.  Seeing "Singin' in the Rain" at Powell Hall.  It's actually the movie on a huge screen - with the symphony orchestra playing the background music.  Time to stop working and let myself sit still!  Love this musical and look forward to resting and enjoying a little music.  They don't make Gene Kelley's anymore.  I miss the days when entertainment wasn't a work-out!  It's nice to not have to claw the seats or hold my breath...just laugh...and dream.  Off to get the dirt out of my fingernails and squeeze into something less comfortable!  Ya'all have a pleasant evening...

Old metal bridge near Scott's moms house in Swdgewickville, Mo. It was removed a few years ago and replaced with a concrete bridge.

It is a beautiful spring day.  I was off work today and promised myself I would be lazy and take it easy.  Though I'd rather be at a creek or walking a shady trail than staying home, I still ended up outside.  Yep, I traded bon bons for pulling weeds, raking left over leaves from winter and trimming in my flower gardens.  I am rather pooped, but there is something therapeutic about a blue sky and blue birds!  If I had a field and a creek, I'd be there too!  I startled a couple of little ring-necked snakes, dug out an old brick walk way, planted some wild flowers and got a little dirt under my fingernails.  I simply cannot get enough of God's green goodness splashed with color extraordinaire!  Let's see....I'll add a field of black-eyed-susans and a swing under a sprawling shade tree to my dreaming today.  And....well...let's just throw in a cool blue spring lined with coral-colored Columbine, deep green moss, and a quaint little red barn.  Sometimes a girl's just gotta make the best of her day off...  

Gonna shoot from the "hip" the next couple of days.  Off work.  It's Mothers Day (weekend).  2 days to be lazy.  Sleep late.  See my kids and grand kids.  Write....maybe?  Watch birds?  Definitely.  Clean house?  Certainly not!  Feelin' stubborn and sassy.  :)

My bird-watching is getting out of hand...from the woods of my back yard to the exotic places of St. Louis' animal farms, I found some splashes of color and beautiful displays of feathers this time of year!  The personality of this little guy intrigued everyone around....glad I was able to get him to pose at least once for me!  What a handsome red head!

Once again...brought to you by Grant's Farm in this fair St. Louis City.  I have to say, there are few places so exotic and quaint all in the same sentence! What a pleasant day with the animals!

Saw these handsome fellas today.  They were so entertaining and colorful!  Something about those bright feathers that had me fixed and smiling!  I could do a "plug" for Grant's Farm - and really, it is a delightful place to go on a fine day such as this - but, I will go a step beyond this very fun place and just say that their "Artist" sure has a way with a brush!  

Gone to bed

Is the setting sun

Night is coming

And day is done

Whippoorwill

Whippoorwill

Has just begun

I was a little early to a client's house recently and decided to sit in a parking lot underneath a remarkably large pine tree in my car while it was raining.  The tree had new growth that was colorful and bright.  Even the rain couldn't squelch its splendor.  In fact the drops only added effect and beauty to the photograph I took.  

I think I'd like to be more like the pine,

I have loved this song for many years...it is a favorite classic around the world, written by a long admired, yet controversial actor, Charlie Chaplin.  It was first recorded with lyrics by Nat King Cole and performed and recorded thereafter by numerous stars.  What an interesting theme - so adopted and practiced by a large majority of humanity.  It seems that my parents' generation continued this tradition of "putting on a happy face" - often keeping emotion and sadness behind a shell of hope and denial of "life-gone-bad" experiences and trials. 

Me?  I am the queen of smile.  I don't say that arrogantly.  When you happen to be a "smiler" others usually think you are simply happy all the time.  For whatever reasons, my face has adamantly declared the good and pleasant, regardless of my heart condition.  I have had plenty of heartache and trial, yet ever recognized reasons to smile.  Somehow, I have always had an inclination to look at the "pretty", no matter how difficult the road of life.  I can't say it is a bad thing, and perhaps the hard-working generations before me had it right in rarely speaking of fear or sorrow.  I have known some who smile very little and truthfully, they are not the easier ones to spend time with.  Smiling is attractive and inviting.  People are usually looking for reasons to smile in a world that is often harsh and unforgiving.

I like to believe that I smile because of hope and pleasantries offered me by my amazing Maker.  Perhaps sometimes we smile simply to pretend trials are less and to attempt to connect with others, since isolation is not a fun place to dwell.  Sometimes it is just a reaction.  When heart break is exploding inside, yet the laughter of a child or that bright yellow finch momentarily conquers sadness, there is no greater treasure.

At any rate, smiling was given us as a gift.  Whether it is a response or used as a mechanism to hide behind or find hope, it remains a choice and a place to "land" if we but chose to.  I know we are told to "give thanks in all things".  Thanksgiving is often accompanied by a smile.  So...I will seek to be thankful today....and smile.

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll seethe sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

Sometimes ya just gotta say to your self, "I WILL beeeee happy."  There is a verse in the book of Matthew that talks about how God cares for us, and He uses the example of how He cares for the birds, yet we are still more important to Him.  

Note to self:  "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all those things will be added....."

These guys just keep coming!  My feeders look like dots of yellow sunshine!  The rain has been deluging our area until yesterday when it was beautiful.  The floods have the entire midwest scurrying to save homes and businesses.  Today another pour-down day and not much more promise for tomorrow.  I think it has affected my general attitude!  But here I found some sunshine.  Lesson for the day:  When heaviness pushes hard against a heart, there seems to be a hand of rescue when we but notice - even in the rain! 

I saw a story sitting there

On velvet green, a rug so fair

Soft and tender was the floor

That cradled age from roof to door

Broken windows, rich with time

Secret tales, they swirled inside

The walls and fields of richest hues

Busy feet, dancing shoes

Running free, yet fixed indeed

On work at hand and mouths to feed

Wouldn't it be dear to know

More about the long ago

A simple time with charm so rare

That left a story sitting there

A royal sky above the floor

Of forests deep where rivers roar

In flooded basins from the rain

Washing nature clean again

Far beneath the undergrowth

Raging waters swirl and roar

While above the sky is blue

Clouds of white and sunshine new

Seasons come and seasons go

Good and bad, ebb and flow

Sometimes angry waters rise

No matter what you do to try

The earth is stirred, the wind blows hard

Every stronghold torn apart

Don't forget to fix your eyes

On the one who paints the skies

He decorates with pink and gold

Silver lining, bright and bold 

Focus on the light that throws

Shadows over pain below

Find the promise in the blue

Of a sky that watches you

Love that reaches all the way

To where you stand after the rain.

Asa - April, 2014

Asa

Asa

All is quiet since the rain 

Fell and made things green again

Leaves are weeping and the fog

Is rising from the earthy bog

Down the hill where peepers sing

Around the pond and near the spring

The watered ground is bulging with

Moisture damp - and heavy mist

Crawls across the valleys wide

Like a blanket spreads to hide

Fences, barns and even trees

Still and eerie, without breeze

Emerald colors under gray

Stealing what there was of day

Coolness saturates the eve

As I fall into my dreams

Another little example of incredible perfection.  The Master Artist at His best.

I sometimes wonder if others are as captivated by scenes such as the above photo.  It is difficult for me to pass by anything so splendid without at least trying to click a picture!  Of course, I realize that I am not a typical kind of person.....I come complete with a warped sense of humor, a well-used camera and pen, and have an insatiable desire to breathe in blue skies, a colorful outdoors, and anything that has a God-print on it.  For all those joining me here - if not just for a few minutes now and then - thank you for coming to share in similar pleasures!  I'd love to hear from you!

Seldom seen A scarecrow's dream

I hang in the hopes of replacement

Castles tall, I built them all

But I dream that I'm trapped in the basement

And if you ever hear me calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe

I can be found

Plans I've made, a masquerade

Fading in fear of the coming day

Heroes' tales, like nightingales

Wrestle the wind as they run away

And if you ever hear them calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe

I can be found

Garden gate, an empty plate

Waiting for someone to come and fill 

Scarecrow's dreams, like frozen streams

Thirst for the fall, but they're running still

And if you ever hear me calling out

And if you've been by paupers crowned

Between the worlds of men and make-believe

I can be found.      

Written by Dan Folgelberg

Another find today:  Yellow!  LOTS of yellow!  Love these wild flowers!  They made me happy, though the morning had been somewhat mellow after some work plans changed and I found myself trying to fill up time until my next appointment.  What a nice surprise to come upon a field that smiles!  And...it was contagious for I found myself grinning like a possum and racing around trying to get enough pictures to satisfy!  Funny how God's colorful paintings can simply work miracles in a single heart!  

So....I found this place today...a little south of Imperial Missouri...while I had a little extra time on my hands (which is rare these days). Who'd have thunk it?  Right there - was the very spot where 34 people died from a horrible train wreck.  I did a little hunting tonight and read that one family of 6 all died in the incident after a train rear-ended another train on a bridge over a creek near the Mississippi River there.  The  name of one deceased was Alice Cooper - interestingly enough that is also my maiden name.  Perhaps we were related?  As I read through the newspaper article from Aug. 5 1922, it is also interesting to notice how graphic the explanations of the entire wreck were, how different people lost their lives, and the miracles of others who survived. What a tragedy.  I'm sure I know someone who has a relative or friend who was lost during this horrific event in history.  

Today's lesson:  The unexpected happens - cherish life's blessings.

I remember when I was young, in my little town, there always seemed to be a gravel road to wander down.  A  place to pick flowers or walk.  My family have always been hunters, fishermen and mushroom hounds.  I'm not even sure where we were much of the time in those days of picking black berries, finding turtles and avoiding snakes and ticks!  But I know that we were able to enjoy the outside - beyond our back yard.  How fortunate I was to have those memories and that kind of freedom!  

And there I sat in a bustling eatery with a driving music radio station determining the choice for my audible listening "pleasure."  My senses suddenly were no longer stimulated by the hoped for flitting butterfly or a bubbling stream, but rather by colorful potato chip choices and the sounds of an adolescent be-bopper singing about loving someone's body.  I'm not knocking potato chips or romance, but for the love of solidtide, couldn't we forfeit just one or more of the above on such a grand spring day as this?!  

And so I sat.  With any choice of sandwich topping or soda flavor I could ask for.  I sat.  While the delivery truck roared to the front door and the uniformed guy brought in yet more potato chip choices.  I sat.  And I watched a small bus load of teen-agers parade in with yet their own head phones and drum beats as they giggled and teased, managing to pick out their flavor of potato chips and lunch meats.  I sat.  And, well, I suppose I WAS inspired and I DID begin to write - about missing solitude!  I suppose.....I adapted.

Rural America.  A picture of callused hands and hard-working people who have loved the land and learned the joys and disappointments of its offerings.  It is places of the soul where pride and integrity find balance and depth.  It is home where breathing the air and knowing seasons and change is a part of the blood and veins of its captivated dwellers.  It is about sleeves rolled up and dirty hands making a living, yet still embracing the open sky and sweet earthy surroundings.  

It is about working for the "boss" who commands the weather and circumstances that determine destiny from day to day and year to year.  It is about taking risks and praying for an outcome of provision and blessing.  It is about thankfulness for what is given and what is taken away.  It is about respect for creation and the God who speaks it into order and beauty.  "Our country tis of Thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee we sing."  

Indian corn

I spent the afternoon with these two.  Be still my heart...how fast they grow....and how beautiful they become - especially to GaGa.  Of course, who could love em' more?  After having raised 3 girls and finding out for the first time that I was going to be a grandma, I wondered if I could love grand kids as much as my grandmother loved me!  There was a bit of concern in my mind since there had been some health and disability challenges with one of my own children.  Frankly, I was tired and wondered if I would have the patience and desire to have babies around again.  I have to say, when that first curly-headed little bundle came into this world, I was stricken with so much grandma love that there was never another thought of whether or not I would feel the thrill of wanting to literally squeeze those little faces!  Every single time I see them the excitement mounts - right up until their cheeks are touching mine .  What a joy to see the wonder and curiosity in the eyes of these little ones.  What a pleasure to see them smile and reach for me....the one who was worried about how much she could love!  I now know how my grandma felt years ago, when I bolted through the door of her little home and jumped into her open arms!  

Spring.  The time of new life.  The season for rain and tender shoots to burst through the soil towards the warmth of the sun. Sometimes on those cold, wet, cloudy days and nights, it seems that the sun is so far away.  We wait and watch through windows blotted with water droplets.  We see the pine trees cry cool, clear tears while they shiver and endure.  Everything awaits warmth.  Our lives are no different.  

As long as I'm telling stories about peaceful experiences, I might as well include this one.  Yep, that's me - a long time ago - scuba diving off the coast of Maui.  No, it is not something I'd ever done before, and most likely something I will never do again.  But....if I could, I certainly would!  It was the most fantasy-filled activity I'd ever participated in.  What an enchanted place to be...under the sea!  It was whimsical, alive with color, yet silent.  An other-world encounter in slow motion. Underwater beauty defies imagination.  It is incredibly vast and mysterious, constantly introducing unique and vibrant life from out of its dark depths.  

What a delight to have been able to touch that world, if only for a short hour or two.  I will never forget the feeling of graceful rhythm and the rich beauty I discovered there - beneath the sea.  God didn't miss a beat - from spacious skies to the lower depths of creation.  His finger prints are there!

I thought about a song today that stayed inside my heart

I couldn't stop its little dance or get a different start

On any other melody or another song

I just kept on singing it as I went along

The words were sweet and comforting and I didn't care 

To let it linger in my head and take me with it there

I danced about and sang the line about a fire bright

It spoke of warmth and tenderness -

How sunshine made one cry

For awhile it lifted me as I sang it through

Though was hard to recall words, I could hum the tune

Love it when those melodies come back and stay awhile

They just visit with a gift - tied up with a smile

Thanks for stopping by old friend, to help me through the day

Come again, I welcome you, have a seat and stay 

Love people watching.  Love people smiles.  Love people expressions.  Love people hearts.  Love people colors.  Maybe each one is a mini-spec of the image of God. 

What if all the specs began to be in sync with His desires? 

I took this picture on a little road trip heading towards Hannibal Missouri along the Mississippi River on a warm summer day about a year ago.  Along the way I found myself stopping to breathe in so many beautiful scenes similar to this.  I stood amidst rural farm land that has served as the backbone of my country.  This is one example of what hard-working men, women and children have done to make a living and build a nation that has served us well.  Much has changed as the years have come and gone.  However, if one pays attention, he can find the very same beauty that the generations before us admired at the end of those hard-earned days.  

Oh that we might take more time to stop and contemplate what God has done.  Oh that we might appreciate what those before us provided, and cherish the hands and hearts that cared enough to live and work honestly.  They have set an example for those of us who might willingly inherit the same qualities and respect for our blessings.  I thank God for the land I have grown up in and the people who have continued the traditions with enduring simplicity and kindness.  "God bless America....land that I love...."

Built in 1918.  This landmark in Bollinger County Missouri no longer stands.  I was fortunate enough to get many pictures of the bridge across White Water Creek while still proudly erect and proclaiming an era-gone-by.  Oh to get lost on a country road excursion that lasts for days or weeks with camera in hand!  The things that still remain!  If we but look and listen, we can hear the past whisper such sweet stories!

Dentist:  Ok, open wide

Kim:  Ok....ahhhhhhh

Dentist:  Here we go....

Kim thinking to herself, because she cannot speak:  Owwwwie, that was smarts.

Dentist:  Ok, gonna do another shot.

Kim thinking to herself:  Darn, surely one should do it?

Dentist, while holding a syringe:  Hold still while I......

Kim thinking to herself:  WHAT IS THIS???????  Childbirth was a piece of cake!

Dentist:  Sorry

Kim thinking (almost out loud by now):  PLEASE, either just get the needle out of the roof of my mouth or shoot me!  Wait, he DID.

Dentist:  Almost done.

Kim thinking with facial expressions and sliding down the seat:  Must hit the man below the belt.

Dentist:  Ok.  It's over.

Kim thinking and making fists:  Oh nooooo, it is NOT over!  I might be quickly losing the feeling in my mouth, but I will never trust you again!

Nurse, after Dentist leaves the room momentarily:  He always does those to insure you have no pain.

Kim thinking with silent with eyes like needles and tightened lips:  Spare me such kindness next time.

Nurse:  I know, it is a very tender place to give a shot.

Kim thinking with an inner lion growl:  You might as well have put it in my EYE.

Dentist: (after waltzing back in):  Are we ready?

Kim thinking to herself:  I will never be ready after that, and.....I will never trust you again.

Dentist:  Open wide.

Kim reluctantly thinking:  Ok

Dentist:  Open wider.

Kim thinking:  it's my mouth, not the Royal Gorge, though some may have argued that.

Dentist over the sound of suction noises:  Ok, Kim, you have to sit still.  It is hard to drill a moving target.

Kim, as she is getting her face sucked inside out by an air tube:  I don't like this game.  I wanna go home.

Dentist:  That's good.  About to get it.

Kim thinking while feeling with her tongue the gap he has carved out of what was once her tooth:  He took my tooth away.  Do I dare let him finish?

Dentist:  Just a little more.

Kim thinking while drooling and feeling defeated and humiliated:  Well, why not.  Maybe I'll get paid more.

Dentist:  Ok.  Bite down on this little piece of cardboard and moulding putty.

Kim thinking & being distracted by yet more suction:  That "little" piece of cardboard feels like a refrigerator box inside my mouth.  And...I don't trust you - or like you.

Dentist:  A few more minutes until that is set.

Kim thinking while suction tube grabs tongue and tries to vacuum it to unpleasant places:  If this cements my mouth shut I can still hit you.

Dentist:  Alright, ready!  I'll put the temporary on now.  You ready to be done?

Kim nodding and thinking while suction takes the side of jaw:  I don't think I'd be more ready if I were starving to death and was given a donut.

Dentist:  That should do you for today.  Come back and see me in two weeks and we'll have your permanent tooth ready.  it will be a much easier visit.

Kim with fat lip, still wiping tooth chips off her face:  We'll see. I don't trust you. i might still not like you. And I darn well don't want to come back to see you.

Dentist:  Take you some IB Profin and take it easy.

Kim nodding and thinking: Since you didn't offer me Oxycodone, I may be driven to crime at a pharmacy.

Kim:  Thanks, have a great day.  

Kim thinking:  I kinda doubt it will "suck" as much as mine.  

It's about that time again....  No.  I do not worship the Easter Bunny - or Big Bird, or super heroes, as fantastic and perhaps addicting as they might be to some.  I don't even worship music or photography, though I enjoy them tremendously!  I have not taught my kids that hunting eggs and watching chicks hatch is what Easter means. In fact I have very much "preached" the opposite.  

Yes.  I am aware of the pagan practices that preceded Easter and sought to make a mockery of the power of the risen Christ.  They failed.  They did not win.  They will not prevail.  Yes.  I believe that Jesus conquered sin and death and rose triumphantly on the 3rd day after He was cruelly nailed to a cross - for the sins of all humanity and unto the glory of God almighty!  Yes, I believe His love continues through the years and ages and is effective today in our lives if we but give our hearts to Him and accept the miraculous gifts He offers.  

These pictures include some very sweet memories for me.  It is my grandparents's farm.  As of last month we have lost them both, grandma being the last to pass from us.  The tradition to gather family, enjoy food - and play, will continue at this spot where I spent much of my childhood.  It happened to include a massive egg hunt for the kids!  My uncle Bobby has acquired the farm and plans to keep the tradition alive.

I know, after reading in later years, about some of the wicked practices and symbolism that supposedly introduced the ideas of decorating eggs and glorifying the very opposite of a living, loving God.  It seems that evil always wants to counter and even steal the meaning from truly Christian-based celebrations.  The Christmas "holy day" too has counterfeit and paralleled distractions and intentions, as does All Saints Day and probably many others.  

However, I believe that whether we hide eggs or watch Big Bird on TV, as long as God is glorified, then pagan traditions have no power in our hearts and lives.  Eggs are beautiful creations of God.  So are prisms and rainbows and colors and even pyramids and crystals.  If we do not use them for evil intent, then it would seem to me that God should be credited for the good they might bring to us, His children.

Those Easter Sundays, when our family met in order to both celebrate the Jesus we love and the gift of family and gratitude for the joys of life, were some of the most memorable days of my childhood.  Their stories continue through the years, and the home, back yard and fields surrounding that farm house still whisper something powerful about God's love for His people coming together.  I don't assume that everyone who visited on those days were believers, but I know my grandparents' love for God was deep and strong.  Their intentions were to share the love and light of Christ...and it has indeed stayed in my heart.  The eggs and bunnies?  Still sweet.  Still beautiful because God made them all.  But still secondary and even unnecessary compared to the reason we gathered.  

Jesus' life, death and resurrection brought US life!  He bought forgiveness, grace and the joy of living as believers with others who are like-minded.  He has shown us how to love, live and share those virtues with a broken world.  For His sake, may we dwell together in unity acknowledging His amazing grace and goodness and hold out encouraging arms to those who have yet to hear that good news.     

I'm thinking about a few favorite things....again.  Chai Tea Latte's, Blueberry muffins, let's see....Beverly Hillbillies?  Just smiling.....sometimes those things of the past sneak back to meet us in the here and now....and they become even sweeter.  I think the older I get the more I tend to visit my childhood.  Perhaps I was blessed enough to have had a better one than many, and I treasure that.  However, those carefree days gone by for most carry the lingering sweetness of laughter and un-harnessed joy.  Days of exploration and adventure.  Days when everything seemed new and inviting.  On a fresh spring morning, I like to open that memory box and linger there briefly.  I might need a Chai Tea Latte today.  Wonder if Andy Griffith is on?

Day is done and I am through

I'm not sure if I can do

One more job, one more chore

Oh Lord, please....can't take no more!

Give me strength, give me rest

I can't say what would be best

All I know is I must find

A pillow soft to ease my mind

Close my eyes and start to pray

For tomorrow's brighter day!  

Last year that big tree full of memories was blown down in a storm.  The place where I created my castles and princes toppled down and will no longer nestle little climbers with big dreams.  However, I will always love this picture taken not so long before the storm.  Though dreams and trees don't always last forever, their memories take me back to a carefree sunny day when nailing a board back in place was all I had to do to be all I wanted to be.

 ...Sometimes, isn't that just what we need?

Pictures of the tree after it was blown into the creek....and my dad gathering a bag of kindling that came from the tree for me to burn in my fireplace.  Ironic that the wood from that old sycamore is still keeping me warm!  The creek will never quite look the same, but the memories will ever make me smile!  

Sometimes when the air is clear

And all is calm; one can hear

The sounds that often go unheard

Whispering pines, a mockingbird

Falling water over stones

Breeze that makes the branches groan

Grasses rustle, bend and flow

Wild geese calling, flying low

Lonely sound of cattle moos

Across the field where green meets blue

Rolling meadows touch the sky

And I listen with a sigh

Sounds of heaven visit me

When I am still and hear them sing

On a cloudy morning.....need some sunshine!

I had a work cancellation today.....The Botanical Gardens might have to be a destination replacement.....just saying'.  

Glowing blossoms open wide

Bursts of brilliance touch the sky

Here below I stand amazed

As if they're singing songs of praise

Raindrops slide down petals pink

How they draw me, how they sing

Of One who paints the landscapes bright

Creating wonder, awe and life

If you notice you will see

The Master's splendid artistry

There are things that fill my soul:  Bright yellow daffodils against a blue, powder puffed sky.  Tender petals dabbled with raindrops.  The sound of water dancing over rocks.  Spring peepers in chorus.  Rain when it gently falls onto a tin roof.  The smell of cattle nuzzling through fresh hay.  Standing among pine trees that sway and bow in the breeze.  An open rolling corn field.  The sweet smell of lilacs.  Hot peach tea in a delicate china cup.  Puppies that cry until you cuddle them.  A kitchen with an oven full of yeast rolls.  A cool, colorful free fall day.  The innocence of children.  A deep, blue swimming hole.  Lemonade in the summer.  Diamond clad velvet skies.  Wind chimes that tinkle and resonate with the wind.  A lonely train whistle.  Sunset concerts.  A familiar hymn played with passion.  Quilts when it's cold.  The stillness of a new snow fall. 

Asa

Above:  Asa - now almost 3.  Below, Nova - now 9 months old. 

Oh how our hearts want them to stay

Sweet, near and sheltered all of their days 

Oh how we wish for blessings around

Their every breath, movement and sound  

And oh how those faces make us believe

That miracles happen in ways we can see

Oh how my breath just wants to pause

As I am mesmerized, simply in awe

Lord, will You keep them and hold them when I

Cannot reach far enough, though I desire

To always be holding my arms open wide

Giving them love and a place they can hide

May my attempts to not let them go

Be shadowed by mercy and grace from Your throne

These two.  Joy - no matter what the world throws my way.  There is surely a reason they are called GRAND babies.  

Going to a funeral today.  My grandma Rouse.  There will be a lot of pleasant memories to contemplate and some very missed faces reunited.  I already wish we could all go back and laugh with those dear departed ones again.  In the meantime, perhaps those stories and remembrances will bring peace, amidst the pain of loss.  A lesson I keep learning:  Linger when there is good...that will be our peace when times are difficult.  Peace.

My mom, Asa & Abi Grandmas and babies.  Doesn't get much better!  I realize more as time races ahead, just how important the hours  with grand parents are.  I have just this week lost my last surviving grandmother.  It's both sad and odd to suddenly realize that an entire generation before me is no longer with us.  At one time I had at least a dozen grandparents and great grandparents on both sides of my family.  I was indeed blessed to have influence, wisdom and great stories from these wonderful people with rich history from a time gone by that I could only imagine.  The days before cars, indoor plumbing, electricity, gas stoves and telephones!  I had the interesting privilege of watching some of those things develop and infiltrate my life while some of these very grandparents never really adjusted! They felt about micro-wave ovens then much like I do with computers now!  But the joy, love and information these folks gifted me with far outweighs any technology differences or generation gaps.  These grand-dads who were hard workers, miners, farmers, carrying their lunch pails to the job each early morning, and grand-moms who plucked the chickens, gathered the eggs and canned the green beans had much to offer.  The babies they held and comforted....the warmth of their arms and home-cooked goodies continues to soothe this mind that is frequently challenged by today's fast-paced intelligence and competition.  I pray that I might be remembered in a similar way to my own grand children.  I pray that they will find the same comforts, warmth and laughter that encouraged me and brought me stability to get through the toughest parts of life.  I also pray that they might remember the simple times of snuggles and play that will go with them through their own years of growth and challenge - enough to pass on to their following generations.  Lord, give me abundant strength and love that reflects You to my blessed grand children and may they grow up to see You as the ultimate Source from whom all those blessings flow!

My dad and I with 6 grandparents!

Six grandparents from my dad's side, my dad and me when I was only a few months old.  

My mom & dad with my dad's mom and her mom, me, my brother, Eddie & sister, Terri at grandma Rouse's

My mom, dad, sister, brother, dad's mother and her mother on the far left.  I was about 12 or 13 I believe and this was an event at my mom's parents' house, who are not pictured, but were most likely in the kitchen and entertaining a house and/or yard-full of relatives, neighbors and friends!

There is a magical time on some dusk evenings when the sun decides to throw a golden light upon the earth.  It is as if a stage is readied and an invisible curtain rises to meet the bluest of skies while revealing a secret glow that only God can use to paint and create exquisite masterpieces.   Such was tonight, and then the golden ball rested, snuggled between layers of puffy jade clouds.  Some moments are meant to be savored...

Another thank you for my blog visitors today.  I've done a lot of writing lately, it seems, and happy to see that I've had company!  What a pleasure to know others sometimes enjoy something that is so easy for me to share!  There are days or weeks when I feel like Forrest Gump and simply keep run-nang!  Then there are days when the spring goes dry and my footprints disappear! Thanks for looking - even when there are no tracks!  I will keep coming back as long as the stream is running!  It will be a busy week here.  A funeral and a wedding all in one week!  And...I am working quite a lot these days.  But it will only create more blog material, right?  Thanks everyone.  I am very humbled!  Have a rose!

074GmaGpaRouse50th

The barn was the choice place for most of the kids to be, though often when too many were there, it became off limits.  When we didn't have a red flag, many hours were spent in the hay loft, playing hide n seek and simply doing what tow heads do!  The house had a sloping room on both sides in the back - perfect for the ball games we loved to play.  All the cousins would divide up into two teams....one on each side of the house.  The opposing team would throw the ball over the roof and if we caught it we would race to tag those on the other team before they could run to safety on the other side. Occasionally the ball would get caught behind the chimney flu and we'd have to get an adult or older kid to rescue it!  Hours of fun while grandma was in the kitchen and grandpa kept a stash of "monkey blood" or Methyolate (technical term) for an occasional skinned knee or elbow.  Grandpa had a way of enjoying kids....I suspect it was because he had quite a big one inside himself!  

I could tell stories about the men reclining in those metal scalloped chairs leaving indents in the ground after all their tall tales, fishing stories and adventures.  The laughter would rise and fall as a part of the rhythm of that place and the world around it.  I could also tell about the infamous outhouse that stood until around the 1970's sometime and how the cold winters and hot summers didn't offer time to stick around in there!  It was all about getting business done and back to the important events of the day!  I could list other memories such as grandpa's pet raccoon, Pete, hog stories, chicken tales and even one of my attempting to pluck a tail feather from a very large turkey.  (That did not end so pretty as the turkey was not having it and the flogging I got taught me a new respect for those birds!)

There were horse stories, snake stories, mice in corn barrels whose end came when grandma conveniently dropped the barn cat inside and shut the lid!  The most agonizing memory was when grandpa, dad and others had killed a hog to butcher and it was hanging on a post or tree.  There was a big metal wash tub that the entrails were being dropped in as they went.  I was wide-eyed and learning much when to my horror, I accidentally backed too close to the wash tub and fell in, plopping right down on warm, slimy pig guts.  My surprised look got the attention of the men and as they rescued me from the steamy hog parts-and my own shock, there were endless chuckles and comments that continue today!  That was an event none of us will forget - especially me!

...And yet...so many memories.  So much the fabric of me.  Such precious folks.  A full, rich generation gone by...Till we meet again, grandma!

039Fam

Soft, elegant, fragrant, romantic, colorful Camellia

This amazing spectacle will soon burst to life.  Wait for it.......

On a velvet sky

Dancing diamonds leaping bright

Brilliant and alive

Underneath the dotted dark

I have found delight

Comfort for my aching heart

Beauty to my eyes

The moon defies all gravity

Weightless, in its glow

An endless ball of mystery

This night, oh so close

I raise my face unto the sky

From whence will come my help

Looking to the God of light

Who lifts beyond myself

I see His glory hanging there

Causing breath to pause

So small am I and destitute

Aware still of a cross

That bought me when I had no voice

And saved before I knew

Sin would own me until He

Would offer life anew

And then He more than rescued me

He gave me eyes to see

The wonders of His universe

His love and majesty

Time to put the sun to bed

My heart is tired too

One more day will close its eyes

And hope to rise renewed

Lord, the night belongs to You

Tomorrow may it be

That I might bless You humbly

With a fragrance sweet.

Beneath the cotton billows, strewn across the sky,

I seek to see God's view of things, while breezes pass me by.

My heart is humming softly a tune that's sad and deep.

Though there's beauty all around, it doesn't seem to reach

Where my soul needs healing, where the hurts reside,

Down into the roots of pain that tease and taunt my mind.

How can so much beauty not lend me the wings

To fly as freely as the bird or let me also sing

A song of joy and laughter I so long to breathe,

Melodies of mockingbirds to replace the grief.

God of all that's living, teach me how to sing

As You touch the daffodils, make my Winter Spring.

Winter's frigid gray and white

Now succumbs to Spring's delight

Yellow blossoms framed in green

Robins bound onto the scene

Sunny days and breezy nights

Cotton clouds and soft moonlight

Color seems to comfort me

Feathered friends sing poetry

Lilac scents float through the air

Fragrant hyacinths so fair

All my senses want to dance

Join the chorus and romance

Of March's painted kisses sweet

Earth's refreshment, my rich treat

Writing is an interesting thing.  Inspiration comes in bursts...like waves.  There's a rhythm - a flow.  It isn't tangible or predictable.  It's a wind; suddenly it's there - or it's gone.  I had a month or more recently where there was swelling inside - until the cloud broke onto these pages.  And then as quickly as the rain began....it stopped.  And for days and weeks there was nothing.  Oh, occasionally, when driving or walking, a thought might begin, but generally just no pressing desire to have a blog storm.  

I suppose life is similar.  It sways - like the trees....sometimes hard enough to make the boughs crack and pop....or even break.  Sometimes it's a gentle, steady motion that even the leaves don't seem to mind.  They rock to the beat of the world around them....the forces they rise to meet each day.  They embrace and even dance with the invisible breezes that subtly manipulate them.  It's not until the harshness presses hard on them that they are even aware... and then we might hear the crackling, creaking sounds of resistance and bending.

Writing is often the complaints or groans that respond to daily winds and storms.  Or it can be a mellow sound, a playful song, a content melody.  One never quite knows when the heart will offer it's depths...and to what extent.  At any rate, these pages are an outlet, where the tides can softly roll in....or carry the ship passionately outward to sail away from the mundane.  I suppose today is a quiet, breezy float....a contemplative afternoon of watching the sea gulls soar and glide.  I'm thankful it's not a typhoon.  :) 

A big thank you tonight to all those who have taken the time to read and comment on my blog.....I appreciate your browsing through my hours of scribbling, posting, photo cropping, thinking, and wandering around on these, my therapeutic pages of release and relief in a busy, chaotic, happy, sad, up and down world!  I especially love your comments.  Maybe it's the vanity is us that enjoys the feedback, but it is truly very encouraging!  

I think the heart of all creative folks is to somehow provide an outlet for others to articulate or declare what has been needing to be set free.  It refreshes me to write and post photos that I have taken...I hope it will offer those reading some similar expressions.  Blessings to each of you....dear friends and family who enjoy these thoughts.  

(If you are interested in scrolling back to previous blogs - and there are many - just scroll to end of the page you might be on and find the "previous pages" arrow/button at the lower left.  Also on the right bottom you will find an archive/history arrow that will allow you to more quickly find posts from a couple of years ago.  Help yourself to as much reading and photos as you'd like.  There is also a photo gallery - button at the top beside the blog button - and more things about who I am if you'd like to know.)

Cold winter morning                                         

The sun is gone

Still I have to

Carry on

Face the day 

Forge along

Yet within me

There's a song

Of warmth ahead

Of bright, clear skies

Of days when I 

Can realize

A dream of balmy 

Breezes blowing

Fresh, clear brooks

Of water glowing

Leaves of green

On dappled trees

Hay fields growing

To my knees

Flowers blooming

Clouds of cotton

Images I 

Have half forgotten

Change is coming

Tantalizing

Deep inside

My hopes are rising

Waiting for 

One special thing

That oh, so glorious

First day of spring

Pulsing light on velvet skies

Dancing brilliance catch my eyes

I am captured by the sound

Of silent glitter all around

Darkened canvas so serene

Leaping diamonds steel the scene

My heart pauses, and I stare

A sight so vast, so rightly there

Beyond my frail ability 

To comprehend such mystery

Endless canvas, sweet delight

Lovely, lively bursts of bright

I gasp and gaze, and then behold

Sheer majesty in black and gold

KimBday_s30

Oh carefree, happy days of youth

The world, mine to explore                             

From break of day till evening time

I'd spread my wings and soar

Chasing butterflies and birds

Playing in the creek

Looking under logs and rocks

Adventure I would seek

Breathing in the country scents

Plowed earth and new mown hay

The fragrances enchanted me

As I would run and play

The sounds of crickets and of bees

The chattering of a squirrel

They were quite a symphony

For this little blond haired girl

I curled up in the big old barn

With a book and open mind

And through those pages I would travel

Meeting folks of every kind

Oh the joy of those days                             

Now looking back I see

The thing I treasured most of all

Was the freedom to be ME    

Remembering those who have gone before us and paved a way for us to walk...

May we too make pathways that cause others to smile as our memories softly remain in their hearts.

The sky is gray this winter morn

Clouds are thick and low

I'd like to say my heart is bright

But can't quite say it's so

Sometimes I so long to be

Where tree lines touch the sky

Put the words upon a page 

As my pen describes

The way I need to feel the wind

Blowing through my hair

Oh to see the tender pines

Swaying without care

All around a symphony

Of birds and bubbling streams

I can almost hear it now

Feel its pulse, it seems

Forest rhythms rocking boughs

Lively critters play

Underneath a canopy

I go there on this day

When life is crowding out the dreams

That are a part of me

And my heart must find a way

To spread my broken wings

"...for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine."  Psalm 50:10, 11

Kinda puts things into perspective!  

I have a bit of a fetish for old barns.  I don't know....something about what is silent that intrigues me!  The activity that most of them saw each day now often sits quietly and keeps secrets and stories cradled gently within their grayed, worn walls.  This photo was taken just as the sun was falling asleep behind it.  The deep colors and unusual lighting, partly due to the headlights from my car sort of paint the picture of it sinking into the background of history.  Sad tales about such warm and busy buildings gone by....  Wish I could preserve each one.  Guess I'll just keep clicking.....

There's a barn that sits in these

Rolling fields of golden grain

That sway in spite of wind and rain

Gentle scene that soothes my soul

Whispers warmth when life is cold

Faded red on timbers worn

It's the stories I adore

Farmers who have plowed the fields

Weathered hands to bring the yields

Sustaining life another year

Through the seasons, through the fear

Of heat and winter, cold and storm

Tending cattle, wheat and corn

Grandpas, fathers and their sons

Tending til each setting sun 

Sinks low behind that aging barn

The center of its simple farm

That shelters bags and bales and hay

And animals that moo and bray

An era quickly passing by

Holding richness deep inside

Its heritage and all that's dear

Precious memories, treasured years

Let your imagination be dazzled.....

Most of the time our humanity resists  change.  Especially unpredictable change.  However, it is inevitable.  We will each enter a new moment, a new day, a new year, a new time until our days are done. And then, yet a new day will dawn. New life will spring up from the ashes of history and memories.  We are a part of the circle of life.  We get however many determined years given here on earth, and then eternity begins - good or bad!

I consider eternity.  Endless.  We are promised continued life and anticipated joy if we simply believe that one man, a portion of the very God of all creation, came to earth to carry the weight of our mistakes and failures - to death.  Thankfully, that was not the end.  Accepting that one amazing, miraculous act assures the promise of continuing life.....regardless of the "endings" of this life.  Though God makes new beginnings in this life visible, even the end of this life has promise if we but believe.   

A splash of color for a winter day.  Go ahead - smile!

Do you ever wonder who is looking up at the same sky?  ​​​​:)

How my heart is managing

Life and all its highs and lows

Nights of sorrow, days of gold

As I sit and contemplate

The shadows tell me it is late

Time is fleeting oh so fast

There's less future than what has passed

Shadows lengthen and I sigh

The sun's still radiant in that sky

It seems that though I feel my age

It's warmth upon me gives me grace

As long as I keep looking there

I feel it's joy and know its care

Something about just waiting here

Makes His presence oh so near

Gives me strength to face the night

Teaches me the pow'r of Light

Out beyond the tops of trees

Past the skyline, past the breeze

Dwells the Source of all that's right

As I bask in this delight

This incredible photo is featured on Facebook's site called "Just Breathe".  As a rule, I use my own photography here, but could not resist passing this one on and encouraging my visitors to check them out!  You will enjoy the photography there!  Thanks "Just Breathe", for capturing so much beauty and sharing it with us!

Now, I am NOT a natural when it comes to technology.  Not by any means.  In fact, I make computers grow legs and run away when they see me coming!  I'm especially not used to working with spread sheets and with anything other than what MAC offers....which, by the way, they say is more "user friendly" as it relates to creative people like myself, though I have often challenged them.  After they handed me a Dell laptop at my new job, I knew I was in trouble, since trouble follows me - even on the machine I am most familiar with!  

At any rate, today, after having seen clients now for a couple of weeks and fumbling through the paper work each day, I hit a wall!  I was still struggling so much trying to wade through the excel program that my eyes glazed over and my pre-ulceric stomach churned one final time before the lump in my craw oozed right up through my throat and turned into a groan that would have insulted even a hoot owl with laryngitis.  I tried to text and then call my supervisor.  No answer.  I had 30 minutes to finish the paperwork before leaving to see my next client and things were not clicking.  So through bleary eyes and in desperation I sent my notes via e-mail to my boss explaining my predicament, then packed up all technological devices along with their "wireage" and attachments and hit the road to my next destination.  A three-hour appointment that would end with me and my computer having yet another stand off in the front seat of my car!  Once again, I managed to power on all electronics and begin the daunting job of entering data.  For some reason things did in fact come a bit easier this final time, though a meeting with someone who can walk me through is in order soon!  

Yep, that was my day.  8:00 am - 7:30 pm.  Complete with the highs and lows of a thriller movie!  Gonna pull off my boots and try to forget it ever got to me!  Now, ain't that a hoot!?

Looking down that road again

Wondering what's beyond the bend

The only thing I get to see

Is where I've been or wish to be

I pause and ponder how to trust

And yet there is no choice.  I must

Let him lead me by the hand

Grant me faith so I can stand

And take another step today

Blindly let Him make a way

Oft times its dark and I can't see

My hand or foot in front of me

My hope instead is in the One

Who has walked the path I'm on

My faith is weak and how I fall

But His love stays and conquers all

I often think about the days gone by

And ponder my regrets

Shattered dreams and hopes undone

So hard to forget 

Perhaps I need to shift my sight

Not look upon the "old"

But instead just focus on

Those waving fields of gold

These will be back!  Until then, here's a smile!  :)

Of crystal coated boughs

Fragile chandeliers of ice

Dress each branch with crowns

Diamond colored, glossy, smooth

Shimmering delight

The forest groans with crackling sounds

And I behold the sight

Slippery limbs and frosty leaves

Stiff above my head

And on the floor the carpet green

Colorful Instead

Crusty glaze, it covers all

Holding in its grip

All of nature for awhile

Though it soon will drip

Into the spring when life returns

Hidden tight til then

Inside the frozen crusts of cold

Glassy, creaking limbs 

DUST IF YOU MUST (Rose Milligan)

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better

To paint a picture, or write a letter,

Bake a cake, or plant a seed;

Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,

With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;

Music to hear, and books to read;

Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there

With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;

a flutter of snow, a shower of rain,

This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,

Old age will come and it's not kind.

And when you go (and go you must)

You, yourself, will make more dust.

Photographs inspire me.  They make me think more deeply and even write about those thoughts.  Sometimes when I look at still shots it is easy to discover life lessons.  The above pillar photos somehow "spoke" something to me when I shot each one of them, but just now they remind me of the supports I have had throughout my lifetime.  There are people who will always remain heroes and encouragers, some of whom may not even still be with us.  My life has had plenty of disappointments, but those "pillars" have kept me stabilized and helped me through times when I was broken or devastated.  Likewise these pillars have laughed with me and re-enforced the joys of living.   It is these very columns of strength who give us character and charm!  They add beauty and a sense of confidence and victory to the essence of who we are.  They add strength and courage and serve as a rock foundation for our lives.  How comforting to have these kind of friends and examples who come along side us, offer their love and hold us solidly in place when we feel weak or the storms of life are beating against us!  

I suppose the highest example would be the Rock and Pillar of our very salvation, Jesus Christ.  It is incredible when people in our lives step up and model this example so very beautifully that it affects who we are!  

Matthew 7:24, 25  "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.  The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock..."

Oh well, I decided to resort to color from the files of sunny extravagance!  Here's a bit more pink for an icy, cold day.  After attempting to simply walk past the end of my porch and driveway, I would recommend not risking a broken limb to see invisible frozen-ness!  Pictures of ice?  Perhaps tomorrow - at Tara! 

Maybe just a picture bright

Could bring some focus to my sight

Take away some winter grey

Add a smile and lift the day

The window offers tones of brown

Icy mix still cloaks the ground

Though at times those scenes are nice

The cloudy cold does not suffice

To sing a cheery melody

Or offer comfort now to me

And so I add a splash of pink

It makes me smile and helps me think

Of warmth and joy and things that lift

My heart to song and treasured gifts

Moments when I've stood in light

And knew the feel of pure delight

Blessings I remember clear

 God's sweet presence, oh so near

This sweet baby is too quickly becoming a little boy!  I love catching him still enough to get glimpses of sugar!  The smile that pulls "Ga Ga's" heart right out of her throat!  Love these little cherubs of delight!

Sometimes a girl just has to stand on her head to express what is in her heart!

This Deli is the Bell of all Bales!  

Love her guts!

Just because this little princess needs a spot light!

Here's how David responded in the 89th chapter of Psalms, verse 2:  "I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself."  

Funny....the chapter just before it starts out like this, "Lord, you are the God who saves me day and night;....I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death..."  

Well, maybe you get what I am saying?  

Weather reports are sounding a little scary if you've listened this 11th day of January.  The predicted forecast seems to be that tomorrow evening (Thursday) through Sunday there is a very good possibility for sleet, ice and very cold temperatures.  Well, we live at the top of a High Ridge small mountain and so are particularly paying attention - especially since two of us in this household have work schedules on that day.  We don't want to wait until it is terribly slick outside before we come home, knowing that if ice is the case, we won't be able to get to our house from the main road below.   So the words of the day are "plan" and "prepare"!  We have hiked the almost 1/2 mile trek from bottom to top more than once!  It's not my preferred activity to be sure - particularly when it is cold and slippery!

As much as we like to predict correctly how things will go so that we know just when to get our cars home, it is not always possible!  It seems that weather is not the only unpredictable thing in life!  It is not uncommon that un-calculated events take us by surprise.  Try as we might, we are not always prepared!  

There is a word that comes to mind when this happens...faith!  Often (and frankly, always) we are simply dealt a choice - to believe that God has our backs - or not.  The Bible states that faith is the evidence of things NOT seen!  In other words, there is a definite element of "I didn't see that coming" as we go through our journey here on earth!   I believe God has so designed life that way because He truly wants us to turn to Him and learn to lean into His outstretched arms.  And...like the weather, those unplanned and sometimes unpleasant experiences can catch us off guard to the point of desperation or utter shock.  

Our choice?  To believe God is God and that He is on our side regardless of the circumstances - or not.  I think that before the weather turns bad, I will choose to look in the face of the storm and declare that God has promised His love and grace in the time of need.  I pray that He will remind me to confidently continue in that declaration.  He, indeed, is the established Rock of ages.

A cheery visitor

Another blazing reminder of who holds the universe in His hands.  This photo was taken early last fall near the St. Louis Art Museum in Forest Park.  It was a glowing sunset that loudly commanded me to look up for the answers to my dilemmas and longings. The scriptures tell us that creation groans as in the pains of childbirth for its redemption.  We hope for what we cannot yet see and wait patiently, knowing that the promise of eternity is offered to those who love Him and trust His words.

Romans 8:18

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.  For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God."

Whispy grasses, bending boughs

Sleepy wind dies softly down

Decrescendo of the day

Clouds and color meet to play

Evening debut in the sky

Painted canvas magnified

Not a better show to see

Heaven's glorious majesty

A little winter cheer!

The mill now stands silent.  Its windows are broken, its machines motionless.  The elements have invaded the space that once used to house life.  The walls are dark and shadows cover what used to be vibrant and illuminated.  

There was a sadness as I stood inside quiet walls.  I couldn't hear the stories, but the evidence of days gone by somehow brought a smile to my face.  There were still faint rays of light working their way through brokeness.  Ancient pieces of wheels and tools and tins created a tranquil diary of the structure's tales.  An old calendar on the wall reminded me that time continues and the story is not completed on one page.  It dawned on me that what had been progressive here was the beginnings of continuous progress beyond these fading walls.  I realized that this age had to occur before the next were possible and that the lessons learned here would carry over and bring additional understanding and hope to the years to come.  I looked beyond the jagged edges of glass still fixed into the wooden window frames - and there was color.  

Frosty spectrums of delight

Sunshine fragments, twinkly slivers

In this time of quaking shivers

Kaleidoscope of colors grand

Iridescence fills the land

Frigid mornings, cold winds blow

Whirling, dancing flakes of snow

One by one they slowly flutter

Then they cling to one another

In my memory, days gone by

Velvet crystals fill the sky

Cover valleys, hills and dales

Softly cloaking forest trails

Feathery whiteness settling down

Silence descending all around

A world transformed born anew

Purified now through and through

Wonderland of icy gleam

I revel in my winter dream

Even birds seem to declare

"When the weather's gray,

Take a look around and see

What might lift the day."

Little tiny feathered friends 

Just don't seem to mind

Snowflakes on their plumy back

Or that the cold's unkind

Their dances go on merrily

In spite of rain or snow

Singing as they flit about

Happy where they go

Maybe I could learn a bit

From these fine creatures small

To worry less and rejoice more

Or not to fear at all

And notice more what God has done

That keeps me warm inside

To contemplate His blessings now

And in His love abide

Oooops......This might have happened on a day like today.  It certainly CAN happen on a day like today!  But we won't say who or how....or why it might have happened - on a day like today!  Just saying.....it's slick out there folks!  The ole' mountain fights back when we try to leave home on a day LIKE TODAY....when God's grandeur should simply be enjoyed!

FYI:  No bodily injuries here (except for a slight bumper bender).  Tow truck made it up and pulled it down the hill where it will stay for awhile!  Needless to say we're all working from home....on a DAY LIKE TODAY!!  :) 

Me, mom, grandma Rouse

4 Generations: Kim, Bethany, Sarah, mom Cooper & grandma Rouse - April 2015

Grandma Zelda Rouse, her daughter:  Elsie (Rouse) Cooper, her daugher:  Kim (Cooper) Bollinger, her daughters: Sarah Bollinger, Bethany Bollinger, Abi (Bollinger) Nault, and her son & daughter:  Asa & Nova Nault.  

Though Grandma is suffering with some effects of a stroke and dementia, she is an otherwise healthy 98 year old living in Fredericktown, Missouri.  She is indeed quite an amazing woman who bore 6 daughters and one son, (all living but one).  I remember spending nights at grandma and grandpa's farm where we used an outhouse until I was an early teen!  They drew water from a well until indoor plumbing was added sometime before I entered high school.  They had a wood stove in the kitchen where tea kettles of hot water were always ready and a fire place in the living room.  Those cold winter nights often found us tip-toeing to an "indoor" chamber pot grandma kept in an unheated porch room just off the kitchen!!  We slept in an attic that also had little heat in the winter and no air conditioning in the summer.  We made due with lots of blankets when it was cold and fans when it was hot!  Grandma's chickens and grandpa's pigs were a highlight, giving us plenty of entertainment at feeding time.  The barn was probably our favorite place to sneak around and explore, offering feed sacks, grain barrels, harnesses, saddles, farm equipment and of course, many bales of hay to make forts and hide in!  My grandpa was an interesting man, with plenty of hobbies and interests, including making sorghum molasses, working with wood, collecting tid bits of rock, lead and crystals from the mines he once worked in, hunting and fishing.  He used to make sling shots out of forked branches and pieces of rubber!  He even once had a pet raccoon named Pete that everyone loved. Oh, to push re-play!  

Winter magic

Icy frills

Frosted lace

On window sills

Brisk and cold

North winds blow

Promising 

The gift of snow

Swirling flakes

Of purest white

Covering 

Familiar sights

Crystal color

Bright and clear

Frozen wonder

Resting here

Clothing all

The earth below

Blanketing its 

Injured soul

God in all

His majesty

Will awake

All that's asleep

For now He smiles

Through frigid wind

Sculpting beauty

As He sends

Waves of chilly

Sugared scenes

Showing His 

Sheer artistry

I'm thankful for

Variety

Though the cold

Can bite and sting

At His glory

I will gaze

And await

Amazing grace

Take me back to days of old

Simple laughter, fields of gold

Days when freedom offered more

Wings expanded, set to soar

Life in color, pure delight

Running feet, heart in flight

Endless dreams before my eyes

Hoped for rainbows, loved surprise

Songs were rising in my chest

All life's promise at its best

How the memories haunt me now

As if I don't remember how

To raise my face up to the sky

Leaving trials far behind

Lord, teach me again, I pray

How to fly, how to brave

The raging winds of age and time

Disappointment, cold, dark nights

Let me find Your gracious glance 

Let me find new feet to dance 

Grant me time and give me more

To be the soul I was before

Let the music deep inside

Resound again, multiplied

Let me see in each sunset

Sweet images I can't forget

Let my path lead across

Those who've hearts have suffered loss

Let my light again, shine bright

Let me do all that I might

Help me find Your hidden treasures

Freely given, without measure

Keep me strong when I grow weak

Vision when my eyes can't see

Help the sad times hurry past

Let the good times slowly last

Give me courage, make me strong

To return where I belong

O precious Lord, I pray to Thee

Above all else, let me be me

Creation has an incredibly powerful life-giving effect.  Every nerve ending inside me wants to stand at attention and salute the Maker of all things beautiful.  My heart wants to sing and declare that what God has done is good!  I believe we were made to herald His wonders.  As the beautiful ancient carol's words proclaim,

"Joy to the world! The Lord is come;

Let earth receive her King;  

Let every heart prepare Him room,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and nature sing,

And heaven and heaven and nature sing."

It seems that all of heaven and nature point to the Source of love and life!  Jesus...a very part of the Father Himself...sent to earth to redeem back what a very real enemy had attempted to steal.  His life, the most radiant reflection of God Himself was offered to man so that we could "see" the heart of the Father; so we could touch, feel, taste, hear and truly experience what love really is!  

The pine trees?  Just one of thousands of reflections of Him.  

Jesus?  The ultimate gift - God coming to earth!  

Of course many years and three children (who are now adults) later, life has definitely offered plenty of experiences and challenges.  There have been joys as I have journeyed through the years.  There have also been heartaches...some that have not had resolution.  Growing into middle age brings tiredness, physical issues and the realization that we do not get a second chance in many of these things.  There are days when I have felt more like a used rag doll needing to hug a puppy than a strong, vibrant life-hugging individual. 

I looked at this picture today.  It was colorful.  It was Christmas.  And, it was a rag doll - a smiling rag doll.  There beside those dolls - a puppy....  Is it possible I'm not the only one who has felt the blows of life?  Is it possible that there is hope beyond the battlefields of the years?  Is it possible that even yet  in this life there might be some smiles and "Christmas" for this "rag doll"?  

I will ever believe that the multi-radiant God who created us is able to also "color" us with refections of Himself in a way that is sufficient to share heaven's smiles and lift earth's hearts.  If you too are struggling to raise your tired head or perhaps looking for missing joy, I will encourage you to hug that puppy and find the Christmas that still holds promise and color.  Jesus did, in fact come to earth, and remains the reason we celebrate good tidings of great joy.  He specializes in bringing smiles - and puppy-sized hugs to rag dolls.  

Sorry winter-haters!  I couldn't help myself.....  

Dazzling winter

Icy sight

Glassy wonder

Chilled delight

Frosty pictures

Prisms cold

Frigid fingers

Try and hold

Unique beauty

Brief and real

Painting smiles

Creating chills

Pretty crystals

Frozen life

Captured beauty

Clear and bright

Life takes moments

Now and then

Holds them tight

Deep within

The glassy seal

That keeps them there

'Neath the harshness 

Of the air

Locks them in

So we can see

That there is beauty

Neath the freeze

Of weather, life

And all it's pain

There is hope

In frozen rain. 

I had a little adventure tonight.  If you live anywhere near the St. Louis area, you know that the weather has been rather frightful out there this December 16th!  It began misting about 3:00 today and by the time I got to my car after work and on the way home, the roads were getting very slick due to temperatures below freezing!  I noticed it even more as I pulled into the grocery store parking lot on my way home.  I had decided to stop and pick up a few things to make potato soup for dinner.  I stepped out of the car and the skating began!  At that moment something inside said, "Slow down, Kim.  All you need are two broken elbows and a face cast!"  

The closer I got to home, the more treacherous the roads seemed to get.  The traffic was moving at a snail's pace by then and people were spinning crossways here and there!  For some, getting home might not have been too bad as long as long as they were going very slow.  I knew my problem would be more than getting to my driveway...we live on a small mountain...you can ask our first time visitors!  :)  The road to the top (which is where we live) is about a 1/2 mile, including switchbacks and straight up-hill driving for the most part.  So...I decided this girl was not going to be the one to slide off the side of the hill by trying to rip up the driveway in one super-hero attempt to skim over a glazed ski-lift-like road!  I opted to park my car at the bottom of the hill where there is ample room for my car and a few others.  (Kinda think someone planned it that way!)  

So...I grabbed my heavy work lap top, 4 bags of groceries and my purse, pulled on my gloves, locked the car and put my head down to begin my ascent to the top of the ridge!  Well...my first step onto the pavement sent me dancing backwards a bit as it was slicker than it even looked!  I was beginning to wonder if I'd be camping in my car!  I walked to the shoulder and decided the leaves and brush were easier to walk on than the blacktop!  Made it up the first major incline, huffing and puffing.  Threw the bags down and realized that if I had a heart attack now, no one would find me because it seemed everyone else was either out or in for the night!  Could it be that I was the only stupid person on this mountain??  

I got to the middle of the first switchback and decided to cut through the woods to the second stretch of road, which I could see - yep, straight up!  Now...walking through Jefferson County woods comes with surprises.  Underneath a thick leaf blanket, large rocks and logs are hard to see!  Sooo....I stumbled all the way to the top, stopping frequently to breath and check my pulse!  :)  

It was good to conquer the woodsy cut-through and stand there on the pavement again.  I knew that if I died right there, at least the hearse could get me out!  One more major uphill incline to go.  After resting a bit, I ditched the funeral home idea and started to ponder whether or not Superman could have accomplished what I just did!  A couple of giggles later, I picked up my "luggage" and lunged forward with new optimism!  Before long I was coming in for the landing, wherein I promptly dropped all bags on the front porch and plopped my panting self onto the porch swing.  I'd made it!  It seemed a flag raising ceremony was in order!

Instead I threw a few pieces of wood in the fireplace, fell into a comfy chair - and said a little "thank You".   That fire was especially nice, even though I was in no shape to take a lot of time to build it!  I'm thankful for little happy endings tonight!

"Hang a shining star upon the highest bow..."  So many have sweetly crooned this beautiful classic Christmas song.  That star, as I celebrate, brightly reflects hope and promise.  As it first guided shepherds and wise men to the Hope of the ages, who came in the form of a baby, so it can still shine in our hearts today as we welcome that same resurrected jesus to be our perfect Hope.  It is interesting how this season can bring such tenderness.  The glow of soft candles and twinkling lights seem to be everywhere.  

Light.  Another representation of hope.  Another glittering reminder of promise.  Friends, we all know there are long, hard nights...but there IS light....and just a small amount can illuminate the darkest places.  One star brought men many miles to find eternal truth.  Hang your star this year and have yourself a merry and hope-filled little Christmas.

For those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, or might be going through illness, battling disease or life circumstances, I seem to somehow understand - just a little - about battles.  Oh, I can't relate fully to anyone else's difficulties or demons, but I can say there has been a large portion of challenge in my life for quite some time.  It's really not the point of this post.

What IS important is that my own circumstances help me to sympathize with another's struggles.  When we suffer, we begin to understand suffering.  When we hurt, we begin to know what pain means and how it feels to bear a measure of it.  Thankfully, Jesus empathized with me before He even brought me into this world.  He knew my name.  He knew about my journey - including its joy and sorrow.  He also had a plan to allow me the benefits of losing in order to win.  He gave me freedom to fail so that I would learn about triumph.  He stood back while I made poor choices so that I could conquer temptations and not keep going there.  He gave me grace when I deserved none.  Love when I deserved condemnation.  Mercy when I deserved death.  He has given me hope when I often choose defeat and destruction.

So...I suppose my pause this season has not been so much about looking into the mirrors of my heartaches, but rather about being positioned to recognize how much I have been given - and forgiven...wanting more of Him to become more a part of me.  Maybe it's about seeing what is important...maybe it's about seeking the real Miracle....???

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love;

Great is Thy faithfulness!  Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Colored all

Soon to fold

To the cold

And icy wind

As it sends

Bitter bites

And winter sights

All the leaves